
That Little Rogue 
Next Door 




e^ 



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THAT LITTLE ROGUE 
NEXT DOOR 



B jfarce 



Arranged for the American Stage 



By HAROLD SANDER 



Copyright 1916 by Dick & Fitzgerald 



V 



NEW Y(3|RK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 

MAY 19 1916 






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19 1916 



THAT LITTLE ROGUE 
NEXT DOOR. 



CHARACTERS. 

Basil Raymond A medical student 

Jeremiah Juffkins A butcher 

Miss Patricia Howard An old spinster 

Marjorie Graham Her great-niece 

Prudence Swift A housemaid 

Time. — The present. Locality. — A suburban town. 

Time of Playing.— F^^rfy minutes, 

SYNOPSIS. 

Miss Howard, a kind hearted but peppery old maid, very 
fond of her fruit, is much worried for fear her fruit trees will 
be robbed by " That Little Rogue Next Door," of whom she 
has heard, but has never seen. A young medical student, who 
has been of assistance to her, is in love with her niece, and de- 
sires excuses for his visit, offers to protect the garden from the 
depredation of this " Little Rogue." Through the quarreling of 
the butcher and the maid it is discovered that the student and the 
" Little Rogue " are one and the same. 

COSTUMES. 

Costumes of to-day, and appropriate to characters por- 
trayed. 

3 



4 That Little Rogue Next Door. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 

Large umbrella, garden gloves, apron and pail for Miss 
Howard. Visiting card for Mr. Raymond. Dust cloth and tea 
tray for Prudence. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audience, R., 
means right-hand; l., left-hand; c, center of stage, d. r., door 
at right; d. l., door at left; d. c, door at center. Up means 
toward back of stage; down, towards footlights. 



THAT LITTLE ROGUE 
NEXT DOOR. 



SCENE. — Miss Howard's drawing-room. Doors at c, r. and 
L. Screen up r. Sofa, chairs, tables, decorations, etc., as 
may be available, DISCOVERED Prudence, dusting. 

Miss Howard (off stage). Prudence! Prudence! 

ENTER d. l. Miss Howard, dressed for walking, and carrying 
large green umbrella. 

Miss Howard. I am bringing you the green umbrella, Pru- 
dence, and if that little rogue next door comes stealing the 
fruit, mind you let him feel the weight of it. 

Prudence. Yes, mum. 

Miss H. Mind you hit him hard, Prudence. 

Pru. I'll hit him hard, mum. 

Miss H. Very hard, Prudence. 

Pru. Very hard, mum. 

Miss H. And keep those wretched fowls out of the garden. 

[EXIT d. c. 

Pru. What a worrit the missus is. Eh, bless my life, she is 
a fidget. If it's not one thing it's t'other. She's always pitching 
into somebody. But it is the new people who have come next 
door that are upsetting her the most just now. We've seen 
nothing of 'em yet. But Jeremiah was fool enough to tell her 
that they have a boy — a nephew, I think it is — living with 'em, 
and she's been a-fussing and a-fuming ever since about the fruit 
in the garden, and saying that he will be always coming a-stealing 
it. She goes poking the old umbrella all over the place, and 
her mouth just watering for a chance to lay it about the poor 
lad's shoulders. 

5 



6 That Little Rogue Next Door. 

Jeremiah (o^ stage, singing). 

" I will return safe back again, 
To the- girl I left behind me." 

Pru. (smiling and listening). That's Jerry; he's a-looking 
for me in the kitchen, I know. I'll bet he's seen missus go out. 
(Goes to D. R. and calls off) Jerry, I'm a-dusting the drawing- 
room, an' I can't come and speak to you. 

Jer. (heard speaking off). Just a moment, Prudence. 

Pru. (at d. r.). Well, put your basket on the dresser, rub 
your feet well on the mat, shut the kitchen door, and then 
you can come here a minute. 

ENTER D. R. Jeremiah. 

Jer. Well, Prue, me chicken, I saw the old lady trotting up 
the street, and so I thought I would come in for five minutes. 
It's as sweet as a rose you are looking, me dear. 

Pru. You've been reading romance, Jeremiah. 

Jer. Nay, I haven't; I've been weighing sausages. That's 
more in my line. Has the old lady gone far? I always feel 
a little bit on tenter-hooks when she is anywhere about. As I 

was saying to Nelly Brown yesterday, I ^ (Stops suddenly 

with hand over mouth) 

Pru. Nellie Brown, eh? And what were you saying to Nellie 
Brown, may I ask? 

Jer. Oh, I was only telling her what a sharp-tongued piece 
the old lady is, and how I was often bothered to think that she 
might be saying something to you that you wouldn't like 

Pru. Dear old Jerry-boy. 

Jer. And as you were a bit peppery yourself, it would not 
take you long to be giving her a month's notice, and then, ten 
to one, you would be on for making yourself Mrs. Jeremiah 
Juffkins before I was quite ready. 

Pru. Oh, you did, did you? You told Nellie Brown that, 
did you? Well, the next time you see her you can tell her what 
a simpleton you are. You can tell her that I'm not goin* to be 
Mrs. Jeremiah Juffkins; but that it is Mrs. Al-ex-an-der Tom- 
kins that I'm going to be. 

Jer. What do you say! What do you say! Do you mean 
that you are going to throw me over for that long-haired jacka- 



That Little Rogue Next Door. 7 

napes with his neck choked up with collar, and nothing in his 
pocket? The good-for-nothing 

Pru. Mr. Juffkins, you can go back to your sausages, I prefer 
to be alone. 

Miss H. (without). Prudence! Prudence! 

[EXIT D. R. Jeremiah, hastily, 

ENTER D. c. Miss Howard, leaning on the arm of Mr. Basil 
Raymond. 

Miss H. Prudence get me the smelling-salts. Give me a 
clean handkerchief. Open the window. Shut the door. Find 
my fan. I am trembling all over. I am going to faint. 

Pru. Whatever is the matter, mum? 

Miss H. The matter? My best silk sunshade is ruined, abso- 
lutely ruined. Fan me. Prudence, I am going to faint. 

Raymond. Your mistress has had a slight fall, but I do not 
think she is much hurt. 

Miss H. (sharply). My best silk sunshade is ruined, sir. 

Ray. Awful shame, I'm sure. 

Pru. Whatever has happened, mum? 

Miss H. Happened? I can soon tell you v/hat has happened. 
I tripped over a stone in the street and fell to the ground right 
on top of my best silk sunshade, and if this gentleman had not 
come to my assistance I should probably be lying there still. 
(Looks towards zvindow) Bless my life, that Brahma hen is 
at those currents again. Run, Prudence, and drive her out of 
the garden. (EXIT d. c. Prudence) Dear! dear! what witH 
the hens and that little rogue next door, there will not be fruit 
enough left to make a pot of jam. 

Ray. (puzzled). The little rogue next door? 

Miss H. Yes, I hear that new people came last week, and 
fine fools of folks they must be. Because they have no boys of 
their own, they must hamper themselves with a graceless 
nephew. / know what boys are. He will be stealing the fruit 
and throwing stones at the cat from morning till night. 

Ray. Very aggravating for you, I'm sure. 

Miss H. But the green umbrella will soon Bless my 

life if there is not another hen at those currents again. Shoo! 
Shoo! Shoo! (Rushes from room d. c, shaking skirts vio- 
lently) 

Ray. (laughs). Really, the old lady is an awful joke. It was 
simply too killing what she said about the people next door. 



8 That Little Rogue ^ext Door. 

She thinks that the nephew and heir of Constantine Nicholls, 
Esquire, is a little glutton in knickerbockers who goes about 
stealing fruit and stoning cats. 

ENTER D. c. Prudence. 

Pru. (looking round). Where's missus? 

Ray. Your mistress followed you almost immediately. I am 
glad she was so far recovered. 

Pru. Oh, yes, missus always comes round quick if there's 
hens about or boys after her fruit. 

Ray. May I ask the lady's name? 

Pru. Miss Patricia Howard, sir. 

Ray. Miss Patricia Howard! Has she a relative named Miss 
Marjorie Graham? 

Pru. Yes, sir, a niece. Miss Marjorie is staying here at pres- 
ent. Excuse me, there's missus calling again. 

[EXIT D. r. Prudence. 

Ray. So the sharp-tongued ancient who is capering about 
the garden after hens is aunt to pretty Marjorie, of whom I 
am in search ! Well, I gained " auntie's " favor by picking her 
up out of the mud, now how to keep it? Oh, I have it! Why 
shouldn't there be " a little rogue next door " for the present, and 
why shouldn't I be the guardian of " auntie's " fruit, and perhaps, 
incidentally, of Marjorie? My aunt and uncle, who are coming to 
live next door, are not due for a few days; there are only the 
servants there yet, and my chum, Dr. Norton, with whom I am 
staying, won't give me away. It will be an easy matter to keep up 
the delusion of that wicked little boy, and while the old lady be- 
lieves in his existence, I know there will be a welcome for me 
here at any hour of the day. You are a lucky boy, Basil. In 
order to keep that thievish little boy at bay I shall have to spend 
a great deal of time in this jolly old garden. Here comes the 
dear " auntie." I must be diplomatic. 

ENTER D. c. Miss Howard. ^ 

Ray. Allow me to give you my card. I am spending a few 
<iays with my friend. Dr. Norton, and so we shall be quite near 
neighbors. I have been thinking what a shame it would be if 
your fruit was stolen by that next-door boy. And the little thief 
would be sure to be after it. No boy could resist such very fine 
fruit. 



That Little Rogue Next Door. 9 

Miss H. I have the green umbrella in readiness. 

Ray. But a green umbrella is not like a man. I shall have 
a lot of time on my hands whilst the doctor is out on his rounds, 
and if it will set your mind at rest, I will watch the garden for 
you. 

Miss H. You are very kind, sir. Very kind indeed. Come 
and see my currants, sir. [EXIT d. c. Miss Howard followed 
by Raymond, who smiles behind her back. 

ENTER D. R. Prudence, 

Pru. I have heard of cruel, heartless, faithless monsters in 
human form, but never have I heard of one to equal Jeremiah 
Juffkins. Only to think of him telling that red-haired Nellie 
'Brown that I was peppery tempered. I'll peppery temper him 
when he comes with the meat to-morrow morning, and then 
he can go and tell Nellie Brown that. Wait until he sees me 
in my new costume walking out with Alexander Tomkins. Then 
perhaps he will be sorry for his goings on. That Nellie Brown 
never does look decent whatever she has on, and I am sure she 
walks like a duck. But here comes the missus, bother her. 

[EXIT D. R. 

ENTER D. c. Miss Howard. 

Miss H. What a very sensible young man. So kind of him 
to offer to look after the fruit for me. He says he is very inter- 
ested in fruit culture. He is the only young man I have met 
lately who showed any interest in currants, unless they were in 
a tart, and then there was generally something wrong with the 
cooking. But this Mr. Raymond seems a very sensible young 
man. He is calling again shortly, so he said. [EXIT d. l. 

ENTER D. c. Marjorie. 

Mar. I wonder why that Mr. Raymond has been here. I 
really believe he is the most persistent man I ever met. I am 
sure it was he I saw passing out through the gate just now. He 
was at the Smith's garden party the other day, and I do not 
think he ceased staring at me for five minutes during the whole 
afternoon. I believe he told me his people have just taken a 



10 That Little Eogufe Nest Door. 

house somewhere in this neighbourhood, but I do not suppose 
I shall see much of him here. He is not the species that auntie 
is likely to encourage. Oh, I do want my tea. I have the appe- 
tite of a vagabond. 

ENTER D. L. Miss Howard, wearing large gardening gloves and 

apron. 

Mar. Are you going gardening, auntie? 

Miss H. Yes, I am going to weed the flower border. 

Mar. Then I will come and help you. 

Miss H. Oh, no, you won't, miss. I have not forgotten the 
last time you helped me. You pulled up every flower in the 
border, and not a weed did you touch. 

Mar. Then I will watch you, auntie. That will suit me bet- 
ter. 

Miss H. I daresay it will, Miss Idleness. Have you not 
a bit of fancy-work you can have in your fingers? It would 
be a more becoming occupation to my mind than twiddling your 
thumbs for hours. 

Mar. But I do not twiddle my thumbs, auntie dear. 

Miss H. In my young days girls scorned to waste their time, 
and the amount of fancy-work they did in the course of the 
year would make you open your eyes, Miss. 

Mar. What silly little things girls must have been in your 
young days, auntie. 

Miss H, Was it silly to make a cushion that fetched five 
pounds at a bazaar? Because that was what Lydia Evans did. 

Mar. Yes, but I have heard you say many a time that Lydia 
Evans was a plain-looking girl with a crooked nose, and if one 
is not ornamental one should try and be useful. 

Miss H. Then am I to understand, Miss Pert, that you con- 
'sider yourself ornamental? 

Mar. Of course, auntie. I should never have thought so my- 
self, but I heard you telling Mrs. Smith that I was the prettiest 
girl in the neighborhood, and you are the truthfullest old lady 
in the world. 

Miss H. Marjorie Graham, do you mean to tell me that I 
ever let such an untruth pass my lips? 

Mar. I am sorry you were only fibbing, auntie. It is most 
woefully disappointing. It has always been my ambition to be 
pretty, like the girls in story-books, and I heard you telling 
Miss Winter 



That Little Rogue Next Door. H 

Miss H. Hold your tongue, Miss Saucebox. I have no time 
to waste over impudent bits of chits of girls who think it man- 
ners to talk nonsense to an old woman who knew the ways of 
the world before they were born. I am not content to spend 
my life twiddling my thumbs, if you are. [EXIT d. c. 

Mar. She is a dear old thing, that aunt of mine. She has 
the kindest heart in the world, although she always does her 
best to hide it. 

ENTER D. c. Prudence, followed by Basil Raymond. 

Pru. Mr. Raymond, Miss Marjorie. [EXIT d. C. 

Mar. How do you do, Mr. Raymond? Do you wish to see 
my aunt? She is in the garden. I will tell her you are here. 

Ray. Don't be cruel, Miss Graham, and run away and leave 
me the moment I come. Where have you been hiding? I have 
hot caught a glimpse of you since the day of the Smith's affair. 
What a jolly time we had in spite of that fearful music and 
those awful refreshments. 

Mar. I think the music and refreshments were quite as good 
as some of the society. 

Ray. Oh, yes. (Pause) Some of the girls were awful guys. 

Mar. I was not thinking of the girls. 

Ray. Oh, no. (Pause) Some of the fellows were awful 
asses. 

Mar. I won't contradict you, Mr. Raymond. 

Ray. Oh, no. (Pause) It was a droll affair altogether. It 
is real sport, is it not, to see the way these country bumpkins 
behave on these occasions? 

Mar. Pray remember that I am a country bumpkin myself, or 
whatever the feminine equivalent of the word may be. 

Ray. Oh, I say, are you really? Well, I think the country 
is awfully jolly, you know. Haymaking is such jolly work. 
You wear those big hats and have tea under the trees. 

Mar. Really, your knowledge of matters agricultural is 
simply wonderful. Where does the work come in? 

Ray. Oh, I suppose the hay has to be tossed about sometimes 
with those fork things. But that is easy enough, you know. 

Mar. It sounds very easy. I wish you would tell auntie 
all about it. It would interest her, I'm sure. Here she comes. 

Ray. I say, Miss Marjorie, do stop this cruel banter. You 
must have seen what an ass you made of me at the Smiths, and 
I have been longing ever since — oh, confound! 



i^ That Little Rogue* Next Door. 

ENTER D. c. Miss Howard, carrying small pail 

Miss H. Back again already, Mr. Raymond! You are very 
kind. Be good enough to hold that for me. (Hands him pail, 
zvhich he holds at arm's length) They are worms for the fowls. 
I think I did not tell you, Marjorie, that Mr. Raymond has 
kindly offered to watch the garden for me, and keep that little 
rogue next door away from the fruit. 

Mar. Oh, auntie, I am sure it is not necessary to trouble 
Mr. Raymond to that extent. I do not suppose the boy will 
come near the fruit. 

Ray. But really, Miss Graham, I really saw a little boy be- 
having in a very suspicious manner near the gate when I came 
in just now. 

Miss H. That's him! That's him! I knew he'd come. The 
rogue! Where is the umbrella? Make haste, Mr. Raymond. 
Come, Marjorie. Prudence! Prudence! (EXIT d. c. Miss 
Howard, flourishing umbrella, followed by Raymond, still carry- 
ing pail at arm's length. Marjorie lingers behind, laughing 
heartily.) 

Mar. Oh, what a comedy! What will that aunt of mine do 
next? I am sure she is quite capable of laying that umbrella 
about the first unfortunate individual she comes across. I hope 
it will not end in her receiving a summons for assault. I will 
go and see if I can pour oil on the troubled waters. [EXIT d. c. 

ENTER D. c. Prudence, laughing. 

Pru. I have never seen such a sight since I went to the pan- 
tomime. The young gentleman has upset the pail with the 
worms, and the missus is making him pick them up again. I 
do not believe he dare touch them. He is trying to pick them 
up with his handkerchief. Oh, it was a sight ! 

Jer. {peeping through door, whispering). Prudence! Pru- 
dence! I've been looking in the kitchen for you. They're all 
in the garden. 

Pru. {haughtily). Do you wish to see the missus, Mr. Juff- 
kins? 

Jer. No, " I don't wish to see the missus," thank you. {Mim- 
icks her) I have come to have a bit of a talk with you. 

Pru. Then you have had your trouble for nothing, Mr. Juff- 



That Little Rogue Next Door. 13 

kins. I'm very busy this afternoon. We've got company. And 
this is a place where suitors are not allowed. 

Jer. a lot you've bothered about suitors not being allowed. 
You have always given me a hearty welcome whenever I have 
come. Did you mean what you said about Alexander Tomkins? 

Pru. I generally do mean what I say, Mr. Juffkins. 

Jer. He don't earn five dollars a week. 

Pru. Well, he's got curly hair. 

Jer. Oh, my stars ! Call his tow-coloured mop curly hair ! 

Pru. You need not lower yourself by calling respectable peo- 
ple names. You'd cut a sorry figure beside him, anyway, with 
your dirty boots and your necktie all on one side. (Jeremiah 
drops on a chair and begins to sob violently behind a large red 
pocket handkerchief) 

Jer. It's the last straw that breaks the camel's back — {Sob) 
i— and a tender heart — {Sob) — can only bear so much. {Con- 
tinues sobbing) 

Pru. Stop that noise, Jeremiah, for mercy's sake, or the 
missus will be hearing you. 

Jer. Me heart's broken. Prudence. {Sobs) 

Pru. Are you going to be quiet, Jeremiah? Here's missus! 

Miss H. {oif stage). Prudence! Prudence! 

Jer. {jumping tip hastily). There's that old woman coming 
in through the back door. She's always interfering with me. 

Pru. And I can hear Miss Marjorie and Mr. Raymond in the 
hall. You must hide, Jeremiah, Get behind that screen, quick. 
(Jeremiah hides behind screen) [EXIT Prudence d. r. 

ENTER D. c. Raymond. 

Ray. Oh, those horrible, slimy worms ! Shall I ever forget 
trying to pick the wriggling little beasts up? Lucky for me the 
chickies broke in and gobbled up the rest. I'm sure the fair 
Marjorie nearly choked herself behind the currant bushes. Basil, 
my boy, you deserve to succeed. But, really. Miss Marjorie is 
awfully down on a fellow. I don't quite know whether I like it 
or not ; I haven't been used to such treatment, and that's honest I 
Still, she's worth it, and perhaps it's good for a fellow who's 
been a trifle spoiled. I wonder what the old lady, the ancient 
hen and boy chaser, would say if she knew that for my own 
ends I am acting a deceiver's part. That it is something far 
sweeter than her fruit the "rogue next door" is after? 



14 That Little Rogue i^Text Door. 

ENTER D. R. Prudence with tea tray. 

Ray, Ah, Marj', how fresh and pretty you look behind that 
tray. Can I assist you? {Places table. Jeremiah peeps out 
and shakes iist at Raymond's hack) 

Pru. {looking anxiously at screen). My name, sir, is Pru- 
dence ; not Mary, 

Ray. And a capital name, too. You look prudent enough for 
anything, I say, Prudence, have you a sweetheart? 

Pru, No, sir— (Jeremiah looks out again and catches Pru- 
dence's ^3;^)— that is— yes, sir! 

Ray. Well, I'm sure he's a lucky man, and I wish you joy. 
What trade is he, Prudence? 

Pru, {smiling wickedly in direction of screen). A painter, sir. 
{Aside) The ladies are here, sir, (Jeremiah makes as if to 
rush out in a passion, but sees the ladies enter and conceals him- 
self again) [EXIT d. r, 

ENTER D. R. Miss Howard and d. c. Marjorie, 

Miss H. Marjorie, dear, pour out the tea. I trust we have 
not kept you waiting too long. 

Ray. Not at all, madam, I assure you. 

Miss H. I scarcely know how to thank you for your kind 
solicitude on behalf of my fruit. 

Mar. {looking over teapot) And the care of the worms, 
auntie. 

Ray. {laughing). Oh, Miss Marjorie, that's too bad! 

Miss H. Don't mind her, she's too impertinent for anything. 
Hand Mr. Raymond the cake. You are very remiss, child. Why, 
what a color you have ! 

Mar. It's the fresh air, auntie, or else the chase after " the 
little rogue next door." 

Ray. {hastily). Pray, don't let such disturbing thoughts spoil 
your tea, Miss Howard, I beg. 

Miss H. Do you know, I am quite puzzled. ^.---'^ 

Mar. What about, auntie? 

Miss H. The people next door! 

Ray. Why should they puzzle you, madam? 

Mar. I thought you knew all about them, auntie. 

Miss H, Well, I was at the bottom gate in the garden just 
now, when Mrs. Davis passed along the road. She stopped 
when she saw me, and turned back to tell me the name of the 



That Little Rogue Uext Door. 15 

people who are to be our next-door neighbors is Nicholl, and it 
is only the servants who are there now. 

Ray. (aside). Oh, thunder! 

Mar. Well, auntie? 

Miss H. The name is quite uncommon, and I wondered if 
it was some dear friends of mine whom I have not met for 
years. 

Mar. Then where does " the little rogue " come in, auntie ? 

Ray. He will probably have come with the servants. (Aside)' 
This is a tight corner. 

Miss H. That's what puzzles me. There's something wrong 
in the stories somewhere. And yet, that butcher-man, Juffkins, 
told me of a boy, and you have seen a boy about, haven't you, 
Mr. Raymond? 

Ray. (in some confusion). Yes, Miss Howard. 

Miss H. And yet it's strange! I knew that the Nicholls 
adopted a nephew, but that's years ago. Why, he must be a 
man almost by now, something like you, Mr. Raymond. 

Mar. (looking suspiciously at Raymond). Is not your tea 
agreeable, Mr. Raymond? You are making quite a wry face 
over your cup. 

Ray. Quite right, thanks. (Aside) I wish I were safely out 
of this. 

Mar. (to Miss Howard). But Juffkins couldn't be wrong, for 
Prudence says 

Miss H. Juffkins could be wrong! And I hope he is, I 
should be more than delighted to have my old friends near. 
Juffkins is a gossiping donkey, and, by the way, I have seen 
him hanging round too much lately keeping Prudence from 
her work. H I catch him again, I'll give him a taste of the 
greeen umbrella, as well as "the little rogue next door." 

Mar. (laughing). Oh, auntie! 

Miss H. That I will. Well, Mrs. Davis said that she heard 
one of the servants from next door say that they had received a 
telegram saying that her master and mistress were expected to- 
night. 

Ray. (starting up). To-night! (Jeremiah, who has been 
visibly trying to suppress a sneeze, suddenly gives vent to a 
loud one. All start up) 
Miss H. (zvith a little scream). What's that? 
Mar. Oh, Mr. Raymond, there's someone behind that screen. 
(Raymond goes behind and drags out Jeremiah) 
Miss H. Thieves! Burglars! Prudence! Green umbrella! 



16 That Little Rogue Next Door. 

{Sees Jeremiah) Juffkins! {Falls hack in chair, Marjorie 
bends over her) 

Ray. Now, scoundrel — {Shaking the unhappy-looking Jere- 
miah hy the collar) — give an account of yourself. What are 
you doing behind that screen in this lady's drawing-room? 

ENTER D. R. Prudence. 

pRU. Whatever is the matter? {Rushes up to Miss Howard) 

Ray. {still holding Jeremiah) Prudence, fetch a policeman. 
(Prudence turns round and sees Jeremiah) I want to give this 
man in charge. 

Pru. Oh, sir, it's my intended. He isn't a thief, and it's my 
fault he was behind there. 

Miss H. {suddenly sitting up) Your fault! How? 

Pru. {sobbing). Please, mum, me and Jerry is keeping com- 
pany, and we've had a bit of a tiff, and he came to see me about 
it. And as I was busy in here, I asked him just as far as the 
door, mum, and then I heard you come in the back way and 
Miss Marjorie in the front, and I didn't know what to do, so 
I slipped him behind the screen till I could get him out unknown 
to you. 

Miss H. Was ever such a shameless confession heard ! Why 
didn't you get him out? 

Pru. Please, mum, you never gave me the chance among you. 

Miss H. Well, get him away now. Mr. Raymond, let him 
go, and. Prudence, pack up and go, too. 

Mar. Oh, auntie, you won't send Prudence away like this. 

Jer. {looking angrily at Raymond). You're no gentleman, 
and you've no need to send for a policeman for me. {All look 
astonished, especially Raymond) 

Mar. Mr. Juffkins, how dare you! 

Pru. Oh, Jerry, be quiet! 

Miss H. What do you mean? 

Ray. The man's mad ! 

Jer. Not as mad as you'll be when I tell my tale. It's my 
turn now. Ladies, I humbly axes your pardon for bein' here. 
As Prudence says (an' I 'opes to marry her soon), I ain't no 
thief, but it's 'appen a good job I was behind there for the sake 
of you ladies. {To Raymond) I heard you, mister, when you 
was thinking loud up like. (Raymond mutters " confound ! " 
and goes up stage) 

Miss H. {severely). Jeremiah Juffkins, will you say your say 



17 

and get gone! Prudence, stop that howling, or leave the room. 
You are a greater fool than I thought. 

Jer. Well, ma'am, while I was behind that screen that mister 
there came in an' he says to hisself like as 'ow he was deceiving 
the ancient old hen-chaser. Meanin' you, ma'am. (Miss How- 
ard gasps with horror, Marjorie turns aside to hide a smile, 
Raymond gives a start, and then stands still holding down his 
head) 

Pru. Hush, Jerry! 

Miss H. (sarcastically). Go on, this is interesting! 

Jer. And what would you say if you knew he had come after 
sweeter fruit, than ever grew in your garden, and lots more as 
proves him no honest gentleman, and then he tries to talk non- 
sense to Prudence? 

Pru. No, Jerry, he said nothing wrong to me at all. That's 
your silly jealousy. (To Miss Howard) Oh, please let Jerry 
go back to his shop now, and I'll go as soon as I have finished 
my work. 

Mar. Oh, auntie, let them go, and forgive them both, and 
then let this gentleman — (Looking coldly at Raymond) — explain 
if he can. 

Miss H. Prudence, go back to your work, and if you are 
bent on being foolish shortly, you may remain with me until 
you are ready to commit your act of folly. Mr. Juffkins, I'll 
overlook your impudence in coming into my drawing-room with- 
out my invitation, and as you value my future patronage, not 
a word of this until I give you leave. Not a word— (^5 they 
seem about to express thanks) — but go! (EXIT Jeremiah 
and Prudence d. r.) Now, sir, what have you to say to the 
"ancient old hen-catcher?" 

Ray. (coming fonvard). Nothing I fear that will ever make 
you forgive the rudeness of that regrettable and thoughtless 
speech. Miss Howard, I beg your pardon! 

Miss H. (coldly). Go on, sir, I want your explanation. 

Ray. I met your niece at a garden-party some days ago. I 
heard from my friend Norton that she was in this neighborhood, 
so I accepted his invitation to come and stay a few days in ad- 
vance of my people. I felt desirous of improving my acquaint- 
ance with her. (Marjorie turns aside) I had been told how 
opposed you were to my unfortunate sex, and when I had the 
good fortune to be of some slight service to you, you spoke to 
me of your fears for your fruit. I thought I saw a good open- 
ing. I saw you had fallen into error concerning your neighbors. 



18 That Little Hogue Next Door, 

You know what has happened since, and I am entirely at your 
mercy. 

Miss H. Well, you certainly are the coolest young man I 
ever met. (To Marjorie) Pray, how much have you deceived 
me? 

Ray. (hastily interposing). In no way, madam. I am the 
only culprit, and I feel now I have deserved the merciless snub- 
bing that Miss Marjorie has given me. 

Miss H. (softening). Snubbed you, did she? Quite right! 

Ray. Yes, I have all my favors yet to win, I know. 

Miss H. Well, there's the grace of honest confession about 
you. And now, pray, who are you? 

Ray. Is it possible you have not guessed? 

Mar. (smiling shyly). I think I have! 

Miss H. Bless my soul! Guessed what? 

Ray. That I am Basil Raymond, medical student, very much 
at your service, nephew and adopted son of your friends, Mr. and 
Mrs. Constantine Nicholls, and — dare I add — the " little rogue 
next door." (Miss Howard starts up, seizes him by the hand, 
and Marjorie looks on smiling) 

CURTAIN. 



FARCES 



SURPRISES 

Farce in One Act. Tico Males, Three Females 
By C. Leona Dalkymplb 
One Interior scene. On the anniversary of Ruth's wedding day her 
mother arrives, unannounced, as a surprise for her. Her husband 
plans to surprise her with the present of an Angora cat. The maid- 
servant conceals the mother in an adjoining room ; the butler con* 
ceals the cat in the same room, and locks them both in. The result 
in both cases is unexpectedly surprising, and an imminent catastrophe 
is finally and most surprisingly averted. Plays thirty minutes. 
PRICE 15 CENTS 

A BACHELOH'S BABY " 

Farce in One Act. Two Males, Two Females 

By Katharine Kavanaugh 

One Interior scene. An exceedingly comical sketch, depicting 

the woes of a struggling artist, on whose hands a baby is left while 

he is at the station awaiting his fiancee. Full of action from Start 

to finish. Sure to be a success. Plays about thirty minutes, 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

RELATIONS 

Farce in One Act. Three Males, One Female 
By George M. Rosener 
One Interior scene. An inimitable sketch, full of rapid repartee 
and rollicking •' Situations." Billie is a whole team in himself ; his 
tincle and brother-in-law force the fun, but Billie comes out on top. 
The action is unflagging and irresistibly funny. Plays about twenty 
minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

" TOO MANY HUSBANDS 

Farce in Tico Acts. Eight Males, Four Females 
By Anthony E. Wills 
One interior scene. Arthur Maitland, living with Harry and 
Milly Brown, draws a regular allowance from his uncle, Col. Crane, 
upon the plea of being married. The colonel requests a picture of 
the supposed wife, and Arthur, not having any ready at hand, for- 
wards that of Milly, without her knowledge. He thereupon suddenly 
announces an immediate visit expressly to make the acquaintance of 
Milly. After much persuasion Milly undertakes to assume for the 
few hours the character of Arthur's wife. The colonel arrives, and 
thereupon follows a series of situations, complications and climaxes, 
which make this farce one of the most laughable. All the charac- 
ters are good and strongly contrasted. Plays two hours. 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

A WHITE SHAWL 

Farce in Two Acts. Three Males, Three Females 
By C. Leona Dalrymple 
One interior scene. Costumes modern. A cleverly arranged " Com- 
edy of Errors," in which an elderly doctor's attempt at wooing a 
young girl already engaged — an old maid's efforts to secure a mate 
— and the strategy of two young men to defeat the doctor's aims all 
result in getting things tangled ud in the most ludicrous manner. 
Woman's wit and a white shawl set matters right at last. Plays one 
and a half hours. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES 

THE MATINEE IDOL 

Vaudeville Sketch in one act. One Male, One Female 
By Anthony E, Wills 
One interior scene. A young stage-struck girl arranges to take 
lessons from an elderly actor, who in earlier days was a popular 
matinee idol. Her crude attempts at rehearsal show her unfitness for 
the stage. The pathetic narrative of the old actor's gradual descent 
from eminence to obscurity shatters her stage yearnings and per^ 
Buades her to resume her place in her happy and prosperous home. 
The old actor is a fine character study. Plays about twenty-five 
minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

DOLLY'S DOUBLE " ' 

Vaudeville Sketch in One Act. One Male, One Female assuming *to© 

parts 
By Charles Stuart 
One interior scene. An exceedingly humorous conception, bright, 
catchy and original, leading through several stages to a clever climax. 
Plays twenty minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

""'"'"'""^ jQjjjg.,g EMMY 

Vaudeville Sketch in One Act. One Male, One Female 
By Charles Rtuart 
One interior scene. A methodical old hookworm awaits a young 
girl who is to be his ward. An entirely different girl arrives, v/ho 
summarily subjugates him. The action is rapid, crisp, and full of 
comicalities. A capital character study fot- both performers. Plays 
about twenty minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

"~^ BERNSTEIN AND FIRESTEIN " 

Vaudeville Sketch in Hebrew dialect. Two Males 

By James F. Parsons 

Exceedingly funny both in ludicrous topics, sheeney hits and droll 

repartee ; concluding with the song, " Oh, My ! Von't V\^e Make der 

Money ! " for which the text and music are given. Plays fifteen 

minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

TWO WANDERING JEWS 

Vaudeville Sketch in Hebrew dialect. Two Moles 
By Harry E. Shelland 
Full of funny and catchy dialogue and repartee, and ending, with 
a song. Plays about fifteen minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

MULDOON AND THE NIGGER ; OR, WHITE AND 
BLACK 

Vaudeville Sketch in One Act. Tivo Males 
By Harry E. Shelland 
Muldoon, an Irish stage manager, meets very suddenly Johnson, & 
darkey, whom he wished to engage as an actor in a Mephistopheles 
drama. After a lot of funny characteristic talk, they rehearse John- 
son's part. After some ridiculous attempts at highfalutin' tragedy^ 
partly in very blank verse, Johnson collapses. They close with a song. 
PRICE 15 CENTS 



MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 10 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILL.E. 4 Acts; 214 hours.. 10 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; IJ^ hours 9 

ISABEL., THE PEARL. OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2% hours 9 
BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 21^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2J^ hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Act8;2hour8 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE.^ (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (16 cents.) 1 Act; 85 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 "l 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 4 SO 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; l^hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 homr 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL. EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 horns.. 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^^ hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKETTL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1^^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALI.. (15 cents) 11 8 



L IBRftRY OF CONGRESS 

.:rs iHi. , 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE 016 1®^ /^.......TTii 6 

COL.LEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OP NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts ; 2i^ hours 9 4 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 21^ horns... 8 6 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Act8;2hours 6 6 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 6 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRL. FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 6 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2)^ hours 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; li^ hours 4 6 

JAIIi BIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 8 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Act8;2hour8 7 4 

MY LiADY DARREL,!,. 4 Acts; 2V^ hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2J^ hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3Acts;2homs 6 4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. SActs; ghours 6 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. SActs; 2hour8 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. SActs; 2 hours 6 8 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 6 Acts ; SJ^ hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2J^ hours 5 3 

WHAT'S NEXT f SActs; 2^ hoars 7 4 

WHITS LIE. 4Act8;2^hoan 4 8 

WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours ,^..11 3 

RED ROSETTE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 3 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2^^ hours... 5 8 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2J4 hours. 9 3 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



